Vanessa
By the time I was 25, I had already been in several relationships that contained both physical and mental violence. The man I finally reported to the police had beaten me many times. I’d left him – and gone back. Five times altogether. The last time, he was arrested and locked up. So I got away from him and had a chance to think about my situation. And I decided to leave him for good.

“Singing was associated with the suffering, the violence and the fear.”


Name: Vanessa
Age: 33

When he disappeared from my life, so did my great joy: music. I had been singing more or less professionally since I was five years old. My boyfriend and I had performed together, singing and playing in bars and at weddings. Outwardly, we were that perfect, sweet couple who made a living from their music.

When I was on my own, I suddenly found I couldn’t sing any longer. I tried singing in the bathroom and in the car but nothing worked. Singing was associated with the suffering, the violence, the fear. I had survived, but that was all. My dreams had vanished.

The turning point came when I was on a course for abused women which Susan Omilian was holding. She had talked me into taking my guitar. I didn’t really want to, but suddenly, on that evening, surrounded by people who had experienced the same as me – I wanted to sing again. I did, and my voice held.

Suddenly, on that evening, surrounded by people who had experienced the same as me – I wanted to sing again. I did, and my voice held.

The next morning, I put my hand into the pocket of my jeans and found a newspaper cutting. It was an advertisement from a band who were looking for a female vocalist. I hardly remembered cutting it out, but when I found it, I knew exactly what I was going to do. I called before breakfast, had an audition – and got the job. I still sing with that band. My new husband plays with me in another band. I’ll never put up with a violent relationship again.
I write my own lyrics now, about my own and other people’s experiences of being the victims of violence. I tell my story.

I write my own lyrics now, about my own and other people’s experiences of being the victims of violence. I tell my story.

Another survivor told me that she had taken up parachute jumping. She said parachute jumping is like leaving a violent relationship. You have to prepare properly, make sure you have everything you need, gather up your courage – and find a safe place to land. That became a song called Flying.
I run workshops for survivors who want to learn to write song lyrics. There are so many people who want to tell their story. If I have been given this gift, and can use it to influence people, then that is my mission in life.